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CORNWALL ÜBER ALLES

THE CASE FOR CORNISH SUPREMACY

A disproportionate number of the most brilliant, creative and independent-minded people in history came from Cornwall or were of Cornish descent.

Examples:

THE BRONTËS

Mama Brontë was a Miss Branwell of Penzance.


WILLIAM GOLDING

Nobel prize-winning literary genius, author of 'Lord of the Flies' and 'The Spire' and so on. His mum was Cornish.


PAUL DIRAC

Visionary physicist. His mother was Cornish.


LORD BYRON

Poet and sex machine, Cornish descent via his grandmother.



MARK TWAIN

Cornish descent.


SIR HUMPHRY DAVY

Self-made Renaissance man, chemist, poet, inventor of the Davy lamp, discoverer of laughing gas and half the periodic table, Penzance lad.


JACK KEROUAC

Cornish descent, said his family name was a corruption of Kernouac meaning Cornish.


PETER HITCHENS

Journalist and troublemaker. Cornish descent.



SAMUEL FOOTE

Comedian and playwright, the funniest man of Dr Johnson's day. Truro boy.


AND MAYBE MORE...?

The following are conjectural:

CHURCHILL

It can't be proved, it's been hushed up, but it stands to reason.


EINSTEIN

Original name Enys-Troon. Discovered the curvature of space by musing on the shape of a pastie. They'll never teach this in schools.


JESUS

It's obvious. Fisherman. Often depicted wearing a St Ives painter's smock.


JESSE OWENS

Black Cornish. Like Black Irish but darker, from going down tin mines.



THE REASON FOR CORNISH SUPREMACY

No-one knows why Cornishmen are supreme but several theories have been put forward over the years.

A Scientific Theory

Darwinism in action. When the Romans invaded, the sheep knuckled under and the stubborn ones headed west. When the Saxons and the Normans came, same thing.

Furthermore hundreds of years of smuggling, wrecking and dodging Judge Jeffreys meant only the smartest survived.

A Mystical Theory

It's something to do with Merlin and Arthur and Tintagel Castle and we are all imbued with a sacred power.

Another Scientific Theory

Residual radiation from tin mines has slowly mutated us into a race of prodigiously-endowed supermen.

A Mystical/Scientific Theory

We are a lost tribe of Israel. We don't have big noses, but we do like dairy products.


THE SUPERIOR CORNISH GENES MUST BE PROPAGATED AMONG THE LESSER BREEDS

With uncertainty over the future and national division rife, now more than ever we need the genetic cream to spread.

The Prime Minister must institute a national programme of Breeding for Strength and Briliance

All Cornish men must be permitted four wives and a dozen concubines.

All Cornish men should have the right of jus prima noctis, sometimes known as the droit du seigneur, over English, Welsh, Scottish and Irish women. Munters may be exempted.

Until this is brought about, anyone who wants superior Cornish genes for their child should contact the proprietor of this website.

As you can see from some of the biographies above, dilution of the Holy Seed of the Master Race by mixing with lesser breeds does not lessen its potency as the Cornish DNA overwhelms all others.

EVEN IF YOU ARE BELGIAN, CORNISH SEED COULD MAKE YOUR OFFSPRING A DEMI-GOD


A CORNISH EMPIRE SPANNED THE GLOBE WHILE THE ENGLISH WERE STILL COWERING IN CAVES

Even before Rome was built the ancient Phoenician seafarers were coming here to trade for tin. The very word Britain may derive from the Phoenician word for the metal. The Cornish language may have Phoenician roots and the mystic invocation Tiddy-Oggy is undoubtedly an esoteric word of power which was used in secret rituals and should only be uttered with great caution. It seems certain that nubile bare-breasted maidens would have cavorted around provocatively in little scraps of chiffon and shimmering metal, giggling wantonly as they enticed all and sundry to unspeakable debaucheries as part of the worship of Baal or Astarte, and would do anything for a piece of tin. My researches into this are ongoing but I have tentatively identified the former locations of ancient brothel-temples in the car park of the Lidl in Penzance and at the site of the Du Maurier Tea Rooms in Bodmin. In the latter in particular it is still possible to feel the tantric vibrations in the ether, especially when Dora the waitress massages her bunions.

But I digress. Again, my researches are ongoing and I cannot say for sure whether or not the Phoenicians fully colonised Cornwall, or the other way around and the ancient Cornish actually were the Phoenicians having conquered them, or we merely ventured forth to sail the world with them as our allies. But the conclusion is inescapable that the Cornish have been the movers and shakers of mankind's history since the dawn of time and, despite suppression by jealous revisionists, scraps of evidence can still be found of our empire having straddled the world.


DID THE CORNISH BUILD THE PYRAMIDS?

The evidence is right in front of you for those with eyes to see.

Look at these hieroglyphs:

Look at it. Look at it. Look at it. Those are Cornish pasties. That's a recipe for making pasties.



DID THE CORNISH DISCOVER AMERICA?

The evidence has been rigorously suppressed by an international conspiracy of lesser breeds but is still there if you know where to look.

Take the Statue of Liberty:

This is what it used to look like before the cover-up:

SHE USED TO BE CARRYING A SURF-BOARD. WHILE WEARING A ST IVES PAINTERS' SMOCK. AND THAT'S AN ICE-CREAM



THE RACIAL DESTINY OF CORNWALL

Independence is irrelevant. The outrage is that the English and other lesser breeds are independent of us. There must and inevitably will be a reorganisation of the map to give the Cornish supermen living room and a restoration of our ancient territories.

In the short term something like the following seems reasonable:


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