The Jeremiah Art Gallery, Cornwall

well
the jeremiah gallery don't do no
like real like
random like zoomed out really random splashy pictures
man

now run along and play... yeah and u can stick that hiphop boombeat noise thang, up your ass!

i shall have brahms playing... i shall do my basil fawlty playing the brahms third racket impersonation... und et tu, mon adieu

and it's not walls for you 30somethings to gaper at neither... nope, no splashy pictures with great swirls of intense feeling, for view around here
sorry

look, please, if you've been to glastonbury, don't come here
you'll just get on my nerves, and i'll find you tedious

these are pictures for mature people... for mature people who can spend a hundred quid on a picture and not think twice about it, for mature people of a certain intelligence, of a certain disposition, and sophistication, like we few, we so very few, of penwith, and beyond

anyhow, for now... (o ye mature types of penwith)
ye especial few, i give you
head of a warrior, by leonardo da vinci
where bravery, fear, and trepidation, meet, that time then...
d'you remember it? (briefly)

and don't you just like my gallery already? no hordes of badly-dressed 20somethings and 30somethings cluttering the place up, no "i've got a windmill on my roof" types prattling imbecilically about a lot of nothing... put simply, this gallery's, the bollocks! a priori, probably

and now i'm thinking you should really be dressed-up in your sunday best to visit...
(the idea that the working poor might turn up in their working clothes, is a current cause for concern - maybe i'll need to get a heavy on the door)

Head of a Warrior

Girl at a Window

and next to the leonardo de vinci
a rembrandt...

what else?

could it possibly be?

you're not completely ignorant about art are you? i'd hate to think i was wasting my time (i have the deluded faith that i'm not) i carry on, like beckett's unnameable, like the last page of the dead à la joyce, the snow falling, faraway, maybe

log fires on indoors of course
the surround-sound-warm warmth of quiet competence

i'll tell you this for nothing... that's one classy joint got those pictures on its walls

and then... well, it's my exhibition, so a cezanne and a gauguin would seem to be in order
- cezanne simply because he's far and away the most bookishly intelligent painter there's ever been, and good too
- and gauguin... well, because gauguin is gauguin...

Head of a Warrior

Girl at a Window

Lake at Annecy

Bonjour Monsieur Gauguin

ok, there has to be a turner... and let's have a goya too... and holy mojo, let's have a rubens... and a jacques-louis david as well, as that's me that is, out on the zennor moors

The Fighting Temeraire

The Dog

Samson and Delilah

Napoleon Crossing the Alps

The Jeremiah Art Gallery, Cornwall - for mature people only

Coming Soon... In a fortnight maybe